Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Dog Show

For anyone who knows me, they know that the Westminster Kennel Club dog show is my version of the Super Bowl, The final four, the last game of the World Series, hockey's championship series, oh sorry, you don't do sports? How 'bout my Oscars or Grammy's, or the night they announce who is the next American Idol. This show is a lot like watching Miss America except you actually have respect for the contestants. Westminster is a must-see television experience for those who dig dogs.
But you do know me. To the point where you text me when my favorite group is on, or ask me questions the next day about Awards of Merit*. I love you all my dog less friends.

For all of you dog less and dog full, I would like you to get to know my Westminster.
I have been LIVE to the show twice, so I know this fact for sure: it is better to watch on TV. What you get for showing up is a room full of bitches (don't mean the dogs here people), pouffing, and spraying and wiping and blowing...uh...drying tired and bored and annoyed dogs and bitches (the dogs).
Don't get me wrong, the experience is magical. It's so big, the City lights up the Empire State Building in purple and yellow. Now that's pageantry!

Also, you get to experience the show during the day where they do all the breed judging. This is where all the action happens. Upsets, disputes, backstabbing all happen here. If you are lucky - I was - you will get to see a Harlequin win the breed for the first and probably last time.

Then, you go find somewhere crappy to eat because I wouldn't say Madison Square Garden is in the nicest of neighborhoods. But you will be happy with Wendy's or Taco Bell. You are not here for the cuisine.

At show time you are herded into the Garden for the main event. Here you will have no decent view of the dogs nor will you hear much of anything.

This is where you will understand why TVs better. You get to see some fancy stock footage of coursing hounds and Neufies rescuing children. Then you are able to hear 3 different announcers, Mike LaFave is the main guy who announces the dog and main characteristics, whether or not you would want to own one, he always warns the Black Russian Terrier is not for the first-time dog owner, or the Akita is not for the timid or shy. Then you have the two TV "personalities" - one is the usual guy who gets to take Miss American - oh - I mean the Best in Show around as an ambassador of good dog will. He actually has dogs, Brittany's I think, and he usually tells you stuff like, "that Vizla is the one to beat." Then you have some other bobble head, master of wits who asks questions like why does a Poodle have that special haircut or says things like, why does that Chow have a black tongue, is that normal? You will see an accurate depiction of this scene in Christopher Guest's movie Best In Show.

After so many years of watching this, I'm a little jaded. I know it will probably be some tenacious terrier, puffy Pekingese, or purposeful Poodle. So I have turned to outfits. Yes blogosphere, I have become a caddy bitch about the handlers' and judges' outfits.
Standard issue uniform for this thing is not unlike something you would see worn by your elementary school librarian, skirt suit, cropped jacket, probably procured in the petite section at Boscov's, usually embossed, embroidered or bedazzled with some shiny thread. It is a somewhat formal occasion you see. Rounding out this outfit are a pair of very flat, outfit inappropriate shoes. There was an old shoe I used to sell by Enzo Angiolini called the "Liberty" They were about $62 in 1995 and quite popular with the over 50 crowd. The supple leather, ample color selection and comfortable arch support made them worth that hefty price tag. This is the type of shoe worn with these suits. Tonight I spotted a snazzy pair of Coach sneakers. I'm always appreciative of the variety.


Now this outfit does serve a function. The skirt must be big enough at the waist to hold a fine-toothed comb or a slop towel. Usually the cuff of the jacket holds hot dog pieces or raw bacon. And the shoes, you need to be able to run in those shoes. Especially if your dog is big, you are going to need to book it, stretching your petite legs to their absolute limits so that the gait and movement of your dog is seen in his best light.


So I get the shoes. I can almost forgive the shoes. But please try to abide by some basic rules. They need to match your suit. Certainly not oppose it! I saw a combo of ivory suit and purple patent croco embossed loafers. Honey, I know you just thought ivory was a neutral.

If I were Joan and Melissa, the prize would go to the working group judge. I would call her outfit nothing short of interactive. Picture Cruella de'Vil. You got that image? Okay, now make her blond with a bad perm. Now give her a taupe dress with a floor-length skirt, printed with a gold metallic jacquard pattern. The jacket had a high collar. It seems inhumane to be a person in a position of authority come dressed as a villain. Poor puppies!
Last night's winner was the tenacious terrier, Sadie. She wins points from me for her name only. I would have picked the Whippet.
'til next year dog show. Cross your fingers for the Great Dane or Lab, neither of which ever won Best In Show in Westminster's 134-year history.

Ro's Redbook Picks of the week
Girls in Trucks by Katie Crouch
*Award of Merit - At the discretion of the judge, an additional award made to outstanding entries that are not judged to be either BOB / BOV or BOS.